The Stages of Grief

Once you lose the most important thing in your life you don't know what to do with yourself. So you look at every memory you have of them whether it be electronically, physical, or mental. You feel as if you have lost your soul and purpose for being alive. You then proceed into a decending pit of  despair and anguish caused by the depression and suicidal thoughts that come with this terrible loss. Songs that meant nothing before, are now overbearingly heart wrenching to hear. Eventually you feel so dead and empty inside without them that you will do anything to feel alive again even if that means harming yourself. You get angry at your loved one for leaving. Telling yourself that they were selfish. Then you begin to hate yourself for ever thinking such a terrible thing and start harming yourself more. You are on the edge of life and you consider other people opinions and emotions about the outcome that is about to happen. So you either go through with it or you don't. If you don't then someone finds you and helps you. You are given medicine to fix your problems but they only fix the mental side. They don't fix your everlasting feelings of grief and pain everytime you are reminded of the one you lost. But you try and find something to cling onto. You realize that is not what you actually want it's just an overwhelming feeling of need of a life form. You move on with life and your medication finally is at the right dosage. This takes you to an almost back to normal level. You continue life and maybe find new friends because that's just what happens when you lose the most important thing in your life. You change and so does almost everything else in your life. After some time goes by you can look at pictures and videos with a smile, a laugh, and maybe some happy tears remembering how great their life was. Then you remember there terrible death that replays in your mind non stop. You hear those heart wrenching songs again but this time you are thinking about if... You think about what would happen if you ever lost someone else like your new friends and other important people. You start questioning if you should go through the pain again because eventually everyone will die. If you are close to no one then you will have no pain.

Grief  s a process and is much different for different people.

Unfortunately this has been my grieving process from the time I lost Uma to what I think and feel now.