So first of all. I love my job but we were understaffed tonight because you know. It's a Monday. Not that many people come in during the week days. WELL YOU COULDV'E FOOLED ME TONIGHT! I was the only hostess which meant I was already doing the job of 4 people which would have been fine if a bunch of people didn't decide to come in at once and have a line to the freaking door. Luckily I had some help from my coworkers(waiters/waitresses) who sat some people for me while I was seating large parties and what not. It was stressful but I got through it.
Also. I had to use my anxiety medication yesterday. Which I'm bummed about because it's frustrating not being about to control it and when it comes or what it comes from. Granted I know exactly what some of it comes from. The medication worked great and made me not give any you know whats about anything but it still sucks having to depend on medication to fix my many problems.
Side note: My doctor is trying to find me a Psychiatrist. So yeah. Maybe I'll end up in a mental Heath institution. You never know. Then maybe they will give me drugs that just make me completely out of it and forget everything. It would be nice to forget everything.
Can't wait to talk with the boss lady Thursday. I just feel so bad for bothering people. And it gives anxiety because I feel like someone will reject me or leave me because I'm bothering them and that's my biggest fear in life is being left or rejected. Every time I get a text from someone that is really important to me and I respond and they don't I get an anxiety attack freaking out that they are going to leave me? I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because my one constant(Uma) "left" so now I think everyone else is going to leave also. Or I'll tell someone that I love them and they don't respond saying it back. That comes the over analyzing part of my anxiety. Most people wouldn't pay attention to it and then their is me. Thinking that you have come to the conclusion that I am to messed up to love so you are discreetly telling me that you don't love me anymore and that you hope to move far far away from me one day. God. I'm gonna go ball up because I'm causing myself more anxiety thinking about it.
Side note: I just find it funny how I am extremely dependent on my friends for comfort but I never go to any of them out of fear of being bothersome or them leaving me. Haha I'm so screwed up.
Also. I had to use my anxiety medication yesterday. Which I'm bummed about because it's frustrating not being about to control it and when it comes or what it comes from. Granted I know exactly what some of it comes from. The medication worked great and made me not give any you know whats about anything but it still sucks having to depend on medication to fix my many problems.
Side note: My doctor is trying to find me a Psychiatrist. So yeah. Maybe I'll end up in a mental Heath institution. You never know. Then maybe they will give me drugs that just make me completely out of it and forget everything. It would be nice to forget everything.
Can't wait to talk with the boss lady Thursday. I just feel so bad for bothering people. And it gives anxiety because I feel like someone will reject me or leave me because I'm bothering them and that's my biggest fear in life is being left or rejected. Every time I get a text from someone that is really important to me and I respond and they don't I get an anxiety attack freaking out that they are going to leave me? I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because my one constant(Uma) "left" so now I think everyone else is going to leave also. Or I'll tell someone that I love them and they don't respond saying it back. That comes the over analyzing part of my anxiety. Most people wouldn't pay attention to it and then their is me. Thinking that you have come to the conclusion that I am to messed up to love so you are discreetly telling me that you don't love me anymore and that you hope to move far far away from me one day. God. I'm gonna go ball up because I'm causing myself more anxiety thinking about it.
Side note: I just find it funny how I am extremely dependent on my friends for comfort but I never go to any of them out of fear of being bothersome or them leaving me. Haha I'm so screwed up.
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