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Apologizies and Forgivness

They say "the first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest."
Well, I apologize when it's not my fault, I forgive easily and when I probably shouldn't, but I'm freaking screwed over on happiness because I can't forget the things I would like to.

I wish people would just own up to there mistakes and stop trying to make excuses for it. I willingly own up to mine. For instance. I listen more than I talk and because of this, I know how to get under people's skin in very few words based on my expierences with them and their personality. I will bring up past issues and beat you over the head with them until you feel worthless. I know I do it and I fully admit to it. During that time of me being frustrated or angry, when I'm getting under people's skin I usually don't realize I'm doing it until I get out of my frustrated/angry state of mind. Then I feel bad and beat myself up for it. Then next time that person makes a mistake or pisses me off I take the blame and beat myself up some more. Then the next time the person does it I bring up all the times I took the blame. It's one hell of a cycle and I'm trying to stop it. I know what I do and I'm truly sorry I am the way I am. I am currently trying to change this by just bluntly saying how I feel from now on instead of hiding my feelings. Honestly, it's new for me and I don't do very well with change so it's probably going to end bad but what else in my life hasn't ended badly right. So let's just add to this list, shall we.

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