Random Thoughts

So my nana wakes me up at 7:30 this morning to inform me that she called my doctor for my sunburn and she proscribed me an oitment to put on my sun burnt back. When my nana left to get the ointment my sister decided that she wanted to peel off all of the skin on my back(which my nana and google specifically said not to do). While she is doing this, I was snap chatting my best friend. She bought a new lip stick/gloss thing and was showing it off. Her job is being a Disney princess or super hero for birthday parties. So she literally uses her money to buy makeup for her job and this chick has ALL the makeup. I can't remember the exact numbers but she has something like 140 eyeshadow colors, 20 lipsticks, 5 mascaras, 15 Eyeliners, 30 blushes, and 8 foundations. I don't know. All I know is that it is a freaking ton of makeup. Oh and when my nana got back she yelled at me and told me I need to stand up to my sister and not let her peel my skin off. 😂😂 I was laughing so hard. I onl...

Well I was going to name this blog random thoughts but that is the entire blogs name so I had to be more creative as some would say. However I had no creative title so yeah. Y'all are stuck with this boring title. So I just feel the need to rant because I am either sad or kinda irritated right now. Actually it is probably both. And I don't have work tomorrow so I can sleep in as long as I would like. Okay. For starters. Tell people that you are thankful for them. If you don't say thank you and show your gratitude it is likely that they will stop trying to please you and doing the things that they were doing whether it be favors or even small jestures of kindness. I only say likely because there is a very, extremely small percentage of the world population that would continue these favors when not rewarded with appreciation. I personally hate when people cancel on me. Don't tell me one thing and then change your mind the next second. Have consistency or it makes me...

It is simply amazing how one word can change your attitude for an entire day. One word can remind you of a moment, a person, a movie, or an experience. It is also amazing how the word can have very different meanings for two different people. Some might see it as a light hearted word that is commonly used while others hate the word because it reminded them of a breakup or etc. For instanc: "Fine". Some people see it as a passive aggressive term while others see it as relating to the word "good" or "okay". So think before you speak and always look through the lens of who you are speaking to because one word can turn a persons day upside down. ~~~ On a side note my back is one big bubble due to my sunburn...

So here is my two cents: If someone does not ask you for help when riding, then you shouldn't be offering help unless you are their trainer. You have no idea how far they have come with a horse or what the horse is like to ride. Everything is different in the saddle then what it looks like on the ground. For all you know the rider had a fight with a family memeber before they came out or is having a really bad day and feels self conscious about everything they do. If they ask you for help when it comes to riding, then you may then speak and add your advice. Imphasis on the word advice. Do not be rude and act like a know it all. If you are giving advice it is likely that you have been riding longer and went through the same problems. If you have been through the same problems and want to help then you should ask politely if you can give a suggestion. There is no reason to be rude or negative about it because then your comment will do more deconstruction then reconstruction. And y...

Yesterday a lady bug landed on me. It seems like no big deal but every time that I have visited Uma's grave a lady bug has landed on me. Every time. You can say it's just a coincidence but I don't believe in coincidences. I had a rough week last week and it just made me so happy knowing that I had Uma watching over me. Also I started my job today 😝 Also I can't move because my sun burn is so bad 🤗

I spent the first half of my day at the lake with one of my best friends. We kayaked, enoed, and got some terrible sunburns. I spent the other half of my day with my other best friend and I helped her out with her job. She works as a princess/super hero and she was Ariel today so I was her land servant. 😊 Then some smol children decided to try to drown her and pull her wig off... Yep. I love kids. They are just great... Then we had some great jam out sessions in the car and some very, very interesting but yet much needed conversations. Then we went out to eat and then drove around for a little bit. Anyway. It was a day well spent. And my cherry red skin is slowly turning into a tan. Shout out to Isiah for reading my "Diary" 😂

I had a bad morning but it got better when I went to the barn and worked longer than normal. It helped to keep my mind off of things and it beats sitting around all day. I lunged Juliet today. She is still a little off. Going to talk to her farrier. Hoping it's not an abcess. I have some freaking weird conversations with people 😳😳😳

Had another interview today. Most likely going to work there. I just got done riding Juliet and I'm about to leave the barn but I need to write this down or I'm going to burst out into tears. I probably will either way but better while I'm sitting in the car them driving. Or not. So Juliet accidentally bit me while I was walking her to her pasture and feeding her a treat. I don't care that it happened but it just made me remember that Uma never once bit me. Ever. I just keep assuming that I can treat other horses like her but in reality that's not how this works. Juliet is completely different from Uma. I miss the little things. The ones that would have meant nothing to anyone else. I miss being able to walk Uma to her pasture with out a halter or rope on. She would follow me anywhere. I miss her staying with me when I put her back on her pasture and her giving me kisses until one of us finally left. I don't know why this week is so particularly hard for me bu...

I had a interview today. It went well. He said the job was mine but I have a different interview tomorrow. I basically want to see who pays more to be honest. I also haven't ridden Juliet in almost a week because she pulled her shoe Friday and didn't get it out back on until Monday because her farrier was gone over the weekend. I hopped on her yesterday but she was sore and probably bruised from not having the shoe on so I'm just gonna wait until she isn't sore to ride again rather not kill another horse. I gave her a bath and wrapped her foot today. 😒 Besides that and shaving my legs I literally have done nothing else all day but cry. What a fabulous life. I want Ums 😣 Blah

I miss you Uma so much. I know I've said it a thousand times but it gets worse every day and the pain won't go away. The doctor put me on a high amount of depression meds but they seem to only work for an hour or two. I need you back in my life. You were my rock and the only thing keeping me stable. I feel like I'm standing on a surfboard in the middle of an ocean storm without you. Everyone says it gets better as time goes on but they were very wrong and imformed me entirely erroneous. At first the pain is kind of bearable because the first months you are in shock or you are denying your feelings. Then one day something or someone reminds you of something that your loved one did or didn't do and you fall into a pit of dispare, loneliness, and suffering. Not only that but you want to be alone and sad. You want to cry yourself asleep hoping that your pain will end there but then instead of sleeping you dream of them and them being alive. You wake up realizing that they a...

Currently listening to any and all of Aurora's songs... I recently became fixated on her songs because they are flawless and I will spend the rest of the night being consumed in her music. 👍🏼😁 P.S. The title of this blog, is the song I'm listening to or you can just keep believing that I am the first person to visit Mars. Either one works. ~~~~~~ I miss Uma. And I need to talk about it but I'd prefer to just cry and bottle it up more so that's what I'm gonna do 😶

If you don't have the pleasure of knowing Vivivenne then you should know that you are missing out on life because she is the most genuine, giving, and caring person I have ever encountered. She is a college student/trainer at my barn that all the kids look up to because she is just amazing. I honestly can't say anything bad about her but I also can't describe her because there are to many great qualitys! For someone my age who has an overbearing interest(some might say obsession) with horses then you tend to only want to hang out with other horse people(actually that is probably just me 😬). However, either my barn friends and I can't drive, don't have a car, or we are never at the barn at the same time so doing social activities with each other or in general is out of the question unless an adult takes us. This becomes very, very annoying when we have to get our parents to take us because they complain about gas or just worry the whole time. Viv on the other hand...

This is going to be a very boring post but what evs. I spent the day with my dad and sister. We later met up with one of my step-brothers and his family at iHop. I obviously was very happy about eating at iHop because I LOVE breakfast food. Then we went to their house and jumped on their trampoline with his child and my neck is going to be very sore in the morning. Then my dad and I went to the barn to rewrap Juliets hoof. Surprisingly she kept the boot on??! She can't keep a fly mask on so I just assumed she wouldn't keep a boot on. Anyway, that probably made my dad. My dad had horses when he was younger so it is always fun to bring him out to the barn because he will come with me into the pasture, ask questions, and explain how things are different from "back in the day". It was his first time meeting Juliet and his first time at the barn since Uma's death. On the way home we jammed out to Adele because my father is cooler than yours and loves Adele. For t...

So before I start, I apologize. I should never be allowed to write a meaningful blog because I am a terrible writer so forgive me in advance for this horrific masterpiece and mistakes. Also, do not compare this to Ava's writing because you will just cause yourself further distress because I cannot write. Moving along.  Dear Ava, As your best friend, I know more about you than any other human does or probably should know. And because of that you better love me and this blog because I have blackmail on you. If you aren't laughing then you should be because you that was a joke and you have blackmail on me to so...um. Yeah. *Laughs nervously*(Inside joke between Ava and I). 😁😅 I also know that you have some days where you question your worth, your abilities, you are overcome by anxiety, or you just feel blah. I have known you for several years know and I have probably spent more time with you then I have with most of my family. Even after all this time, I still wonder...

So here are some really quick facts about me. I love breakfast food. I will eat it everyday for every single meal! I say this random fact not because I want you to know every random fact about me but because I am currently eating syrup with waffles(I only use butter when I go out to eat), a donut, pudding, a klondike bar, and white and chocolate milk.. at 9:40 at night.... Now I'm not how many of you would agree that this would be considered breakfast food, but if you agree that this is breakfast food then I guarantee you that we would be great friends. I also took a moment to finish off my waffles because I don't like it when the syrup is soaked up into the waffle and it makes it soggy even though I have more syrup on the plate then I do waffles. The same concept goes for my cereal except obviously not with syrup unless you just like it like that. Then you do you man. My eyes are also bigger then my stomach but my family thinks I have lost weight since my wisdom teeth removal...

So technically it is not even summer yet and it won't be for another 4 days. I am already considering just sleeping until 12pm everyday and then going riding at 8pm for the rest of "summer" because I feel like I'm melting every time I step outside. This past week not only have we had 100 degree weather but it has also been about 75+ humidity. Shoot me.

So I follow an inspiration blog/page/thingy on tumblr and there was an ocean background and in white, bold lettering it said "just be yourself". What if yourself isn't good enough. What if you actually act like yourself in front of non-family members like friends, a crush, or strangers and they hate you or think you're weird or think you are annoying. What if your family members secretly hate everything you do but don't tell you because they are your family and are forced to love you and your annoying personality. Wait. Who am I? What do people think of me. Great. This is just great. People probably just think of me as a horse crazed girl who doesn't care about human interaction. Which they wouldn't be wrong if they thought that but that is not how I want to be remembered. Great. Defiantly no sleep tonight. What is sleep? Do people sleep because I sure freaking don't. See there goes the emotions thing again. Now I'm freaking out but I'm also ...

So I'm more emotionally unstable then I thought??? Im not sure. That phrase basically explains me. I'm not sure. Do I feel this way because I'm a girl and my emotions are unstable? Is it just my anxiety messing with my head??? Am I actually right about what I think? I'm kinda a mess and emotionally and probably mentally unstable? I can explain the way I feel and my feelings but I don't know why I have the emotions that I do. I wish I didn't have emotions. I can cut off my feelings real quick but I can't control my emotions. I'm not sure. I'll be staring at my phone for the next 4 hours because I'm never tired when I actually need to be. Actually, I have to get up at 6am. Maybe I'll try an all nighter and causally pass out tomorrow in this beautiful 100 degree South Carolina weather.

So I have the worst headache right now but anytime I get a headache it is pretty bad because I never get them. Its probably due to the fact that I have not eaten much this week. I can only eat drinkable/soft foods because I had my wisdom teeth removed last week and eventually Wendy's chocolate frostys, potatoes, and soup get tiring. So in the past 48 hours I have had Pringles and a Bruster's shake. Possibly a pb&j but my days are getting mixed up to be honest. I'm just not hungry. It is like that function of my body has stopped working. In other more interesting news we went and looked at a car today. I didn't actually get to drive it because it ended up not starting even after trying a battery booster and jumper cables. Yayyyy... The car salesmen is sending it to the shop in the morning to determine the problem. The three guys trying to get it to start said it was because the cables to the battery were loose(which my dad had already said that before they determin...

So I went to the movies today with my sister, dad, and step-mom. We saw  Now You See Me 2. It was a great movie from what I could tell. I say this only because this annoying child(by child I mean a teenager) decided he needed to stretch every 10 minutes. And by stretch I mean THROW HIS HANDS IN THE AIR LIKE WAS DOING THE WAVE! Did I mention he was sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! We decided it would be best to breathe in his ear. And then a freaking 30 year old dude next to my sister deciding to start shaking his LEGS AND HIS SEAT STARTED SQUEAKING. DID I MENTION IT WAS AT THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE! So I just calmly turn and stare at him until a lady beside him hits him and points at me. He looked offended and they might of all stared at me after the movie was done. To be honest, I probably wouldn't have done it if my large father wasn't sitting beside me because he could easily play wackamole with his fists on these peoples heads.

I had a dream that Uma was still alive but unridable and it was so real because I also had Juliet. The dream was like it took place yesterday. Everything happened the same except when I first arrived to the barn it was really hot and I didn't feel like riding yet. So I got Uma out of the pasture, bathed her, and loved on her. And this is possibly the worst thing to dream about because I woke up realizing that she is gone. Forever. For the next half hour I sat in my room crying. She was my best friend, my first love, my therapist, my child. She was my everything. I just want to see her. I trusted her with my life. My life. I've never given anyone in this terrible world that much trust. I miss her soft nudges when she begged for treats. I could talk to her about anything and not worry about being judged even though she probably was judging me. "Making me sit here listening to your problems and you don't even have treats. Gosh. What is wrong with you woman!" She ga...

I honestly don't even know where to start. This beautiful soul was the love of my life. She taught me everything. She taught me patience as much as I taught her, she taught me determination because God knows she was stubborn, she taught me to ride because if I didn't learn real quick then I was definitely going to eat dirt which did happen many, many times, but most of all she taught me how to love with ALL of my heart. On the downside, I don't think I will ever be able love that way again. This is Uma and I. I taught Uma how to kiss a long time ago so she gave lots of kisses if she thought treats were involved and I was told my many people that it made their days. Here is the story.... Uma had a previous puncture wound that had healed and she was acting fine. I had got done riding and I let my friend hop on Uma because she loves mares. Everything was going fine until Uma tried doing a flying lead change. Unfortunately it was a failed attempt and she tripped...

You know what the only freaking thing in my life that I can depend on is. A horse. That is so freaking sad that I can't even depend on people. I really don't like people. Anyway. That's just another fun fact about me. I just get really angry, let it all out on thin air, and then I'm fine with people again. That's just how I work because I don't like upsetting people even if they upset me. ................ I just saw a man watering his grass... like with a hose. Either he has nothing better to do with his life or I'm a lazy human who questions people based on how they water their grass.

Starting over is always a challenging task to take on but it's even harder when you have no choice. Like I said in my first blog, thing(still not sure how this works) I lost my horse a couple months ago and I'm still not discussing it at this time. Anyway, this forced me into the difficult task of finding a new horse. This whole idea of me riding a different horse on the daily basis was and still is very diffucult for me to comprehend because my old horse(Uma) and my new horse(Juliet) are complete opposites. Uma was like a snail and Juliet is like a little rocket. However, Juliet is a much more of simple ride then Uma. I don't know if that is because I basically retrained and rode Uma for 4 years or what but it makes me terribly melancholy. Which seems the complete opposite of what I should be feeling which is relief and greatfulness that I was blessed to know kind hearted people that would lend me their horse. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thankful fo...

I will just go ahead and apologize for any weird, annoying, sad, etc. things that you read or see but it is my blog so... yeah.  So y'all(speaking to my invisible followers) can get to know me better before I start on my daily thoughts my name is Liz, I am a senior in high school, and I will have been riding horses for 5 years this coming fall. This is really the only fact you really need to take into consideration because if you don't like horses then you will probably hate my blog..... I lost my horse a couple months ago so there will undoubtedly be some emotional days that spill out because my horse was my entire life and she is gone and I don't really want to talk about it right now because I will cry.(yes that was a run-on sentence, bite me) Moving on. I made this blog to express my day-to-day emotions because even after living with humans for 17 years I am still entirely confused on how to communticate my problems such as: I am dying on the inside and...