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Starting Over

Starting over is always a challenging task to take on but it's even harder when you have no choice. Like I said in my first blog, thing(still not sure how this works) I lost my horse a couple months ago and I'm still not discussing it at this time. Anyway, this forced me into the difficult task of finding a new horse.
This whole idea of me riding a different horse on the daily basis was and still is very diffucult for me to comprehend because my old horse(Uma) and my new horse(Juliet) are complete opposites. Uma was like a snail and Juliet is like a little rocket. However, Juliet is a much more of simple ride then Uma. I don't know if that is because I basically retrained and rode Uma for 4 years or what but it makes me terribly melancholy. Which seems the complete opposite of what I should be feeling which is relief and greatfulness that I was blessed to know kind hearted people that would lend me their horse. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thankful for Juliet but Uma and I taught so much to each other. We progressed so much... TOGETHER. Juliet and I are already at higher levels and she responds very well to my commands. Yes, we have already made some improvements from when I first got her. She used to start trotting as soon as I picked up the reins and preferred for my leg to be 3 inches off of her and if it touched her she might just run.... She is chill now and doesn't do that stuff anymore but I feel like I didn't do anything. That is just something that all horses should know how to do, ya know. I actually was able to get her to do some higher level dressage movements today like: shoulder in, haunches in, and turning on the haunches. She was great on one side but the other side could use some work. It was really exciting to get to do these on her but it just came so easily. It wasn't a big enough challenge. Uma, however, would have never been able to do that because she was a stubborn little brat in the since of bucking, biting, not wanting to move, etc. But she was super smart so it made up for it. Jk, I loved her no matter what she did. I might of loved her a little more when she bit a girl that I didn't like.... 😂
Which now that I reread that part about "wasn't a big enough challenge" it seems kind of cocky to say but I don't mean it like that. If my mind has time to wander then I automatically start thinking of Uma which leads to me crying and it's really freaking annoying to just start crying out of no where. I already cry secretively everyday so I try to minimize the amount of times I cry especially if people can see it. I've already cried while working at the barn, cried out to eat on multiple occasions, at school on several occasions, in my room on a daily basis, etc.      

I just really miss Uma. 
I get told often, today included(technically yesterday because it is 12:27 AM), that I am a "skilled rider" for not even have been riding for 5 years. I will not agree with them because I hate narcissistic people and I also hate hypocrites so I don't plan on being either one of them(If I ever become either one of those you all get permission to bop me on the head). Anyway, IF they were right then the ONLY reason that their OPINON is true then it was because of Uma. She made me the rider I am today and I am eternally grateful. Now I'm freaking crying. Great. Stop crying you weeny. 😭
And my cat just made some weird freaking noise. I think he is dreaming! This is so CUTE. OMG.
I didn't proof read most of that so just ignore my mistakes. Actually my life is a mistake so just ignore me and you will be fine!

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