I had a dream that Uma was still alive but unridable and it was so real because I also had Juliet. The dream was like it took place yesterday. Everything happened the same except when I first arrived to the barn it was really hot and I didn't feel like riding yet. So I got Uma out of the pasture, bathed her, and loved on her. And this is possibly the worst thing to dream about because I woke up realizing that she is gone. Forever. For the next half hour I sat in my room crying.
She was my best friend, my first love, my therapist, my child. She was my everything. I just want to see her. I trusted her with my life. My life. I've never given anyone in this terrible world that much trust. I miss her soft nudges when she begged for treats. I could talk to her about anything and not worry about being judged even though she probably was judging me. "Making me sit here listening to your problems and you don't even have treats. Gosh. What is wrong with you woman!" She gave me kisses and overjoyed me by overcoming every expectation I had for her. As soon as I saw her it brightened up my day even on the worst days. If you wanted to know anything about her, all you had to do was ask me. I could name off every single one of the quirks that she had. I bet if she could talk she could do the same for me. "Mom is such a sucker. She gives me treats every time I touch her face."
Nothing I say will even begin to explain the way I feel about her. I would trade places with her faster than the speed of light. And I mean that. I was there when she broke her leg, I was there when she got euthanized, I was there for her final breaths, and I laid with her for 4 hours later until she was finally buried. I saw the whole thing happen and I have a mental video that is engraved in my brain and it won't ever go away. I heard her bone break. I saw the fear and pain in her eyes. She was so innocent. She didn't deserve to die yet or die in the way that she did. I wish it was me. I wish it was me. Why wasn't it me.
Uma's death has forever ruined me and my perspective on life.
She was my best friend, my first love, my therapist, my child. She was my everything. I just want to see her. I trusted her with my life. My life. I've never given anyone in this terrible world that much trust. I miss her soft nudges when she begged for treats. I could talk to her about anything and not worry about being judged even though she probably was judging me. "Making me sit here listening to your problems and you don't even have treats. Gosh. What is wrong with you woman!" She gave me kisses and overjoyed me by overcoming every expectation I had for her. As soon as I saw her it brightened up my day even on the worst days. If you wanted to know anything about her, all you had to do was ask me. I could name off every single one of the quirks that she had. I bet if she could talk she could do the same for me. "Mom is such a sucker. She gives me treats every time I touch her face."
Nothing I say will even begin to explain the way I feel about her. I would trade places with her faster than the speed of light. And I mean that. I was there when she broke her leg, I was there when she got euthanized, I was there for her final breaths, and I laid with her for 4 hours later until she was finally buried. I saw the whole thing happen and I have a mental video that is engraved in my brain and it won't ever go away. I heard her bone break. I saw the fear and pain in her eyes. She was so innocent. She didn't deserve to die yet or die in the way that she did. I wish it was me. I wish it was me. Why wasn't it me.
Uma's death has forever ruined me and my perspective on life.
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