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Emotional Breaks

Apparently if I do much activity in one day and then don't go to sleep when I probably should, I have emotional breaks. And by that I mean an emotional break from me pretending to be okay and bursting out into tears and loud, obnoxious crying. Like the one I'm having now. I legit miss Uma. I miss how personalble she was. She used to nudge me coming up from the field or stuff her nose in my face expecting a treat. I miss having to hold her back from lunging at passing horses. I miss her black legs. I miss the little white hairs she had on the medial side of her front pastern. I miss when she used to get scared at something and would unknowingly push herself into me because she trusted me to protect her. I miss our bond. I not only want her back but I need her back. I love riding but it isn't at all what it used to be now that she is gone. I don't get excited about buying horse stuff anymore. I don't get excited about going to the barn. God. There were so  many small moments with her that I took for granted. It's unbelieveable that it has been almost 6 months. I don't like the idea of having to start counting the anniversary of her death instead of the amount of time that I was blessed to have with her. I miss my Uma.

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